I Was Doing Everything "Right." Then Menopause Changed the Rules.
I knew menopause was coming. I just thought I had another five to ten years before I really had to think about it. And honestly, I assumed it would be gradual. A hot flash here. A weird period there. Maybe some sleep changes. I'd figure it out as I went.
That is not what happened.
Five years ago, we discovered I had a tumor roughly 12 x 8 centimeters involving my right ovary. What we didn't know going into surgery was that it was Stage 1 granulosa cell ovarian cancer.
As far as getting the Big C goes, I was incredibly fortunate. No chemotherapy. No radiation. Just surgery, an aggressive follow-up schedule, and a pretty terrible scar down my lower abdomen.
Cancer had been handled. I thought the hardest part was behind me and I just had to heal.
What I didn't fully understand yet was that the surgery had also put me into what's called surgical menopause. Instead of my hormones tapering off over several years, they dropped almost overnight. No gradual decline. No warm-up period.
Two weeks
Within about two weeks of surgery, I was having somewhere between 10 and 20 hot flashes a day. At least one half to a third of them happened at night.
Before surgery, my sleep was nearly picture perfect. I exercised. I recovered well. I ate really well the vast majority of the time. This wasn't foreign territory for me. I was a certified health coach. I understood my individual picture perfect protocol: movement, nutrition, nervous system regulation and recovery. I knew how to take care of myself and others.
Except suddenly, none of the things that had always worked seemed to work anymore.
My sleep fell apart first. Then my ability to think clearly took a hit. My mood changed. My recovery changed. And eventually, my mental health was in the crapper. There really isn't a more elegant way for me to say it.
I was exhausted, frustrated, uncomfortable in my own body, and increasingly confused that I couldn't seem to "do" health right anymore. That one was particularly hard, because this was my personal and professional identity.
Grateful and grieving at the same time
Then my body started looking different too. I had been pretty fit for almost 2 decades, and now changes were happening surprisingly fast. Cellulite appeared on the backs of my arms. My hips seemed to be getting wider. My body composition was shifting, and parts of me seemed headed in directions I was decidedly NOT interested in visiting.
And yes, I know how superficial that can sound. I had survived cancer. I should have just been grateful, right? Except human beings don't work like that.
I could be profoundly grateful that my cancer was caught early and still struggle with the scar running down my abdomen. I could celebrate not needing chemo and feel devastated that I suddenly didn't recognize my body. I could know I was lucky and still not feel like myself.
Those things can exist together.
And because everything was changing so quickly, I began withdrawing. From friends. From business associates. And, painfully, even from my husband. I didn't know how to explain what was happening because I didn't understand it myself.
Down the menopause rabbit hole
Enter the menopause internet.
I followed menopause influencers and experts. I listened to podcasts. I read. I researched. And I bought things. So. Many. Things. Supplements, powders, products, protocols, promises. If someone convincingly explained why this was the missing piece my midlife body needed, there was a decent chance I was putting in my credit card number.
I understand exactly why women do it. When your body stops responding the way it always has, a convincing solution can feel a lot like hope. Maybe this supplement will fix my sleep. Maybe this powder will change my body composition. Maybe THIS is the thing I haven't been doing correctly.
That last one is dangerous. Because somewhere along the way, I started believing the problem was me.
What I actually needed
What I needed wasn't another product. I needed a conversation. I needed real time with someone who understood more than a snapshot of my symptoms.
I eventually found that when I sat down with Dr. Adrienne Towsen. It mattered more than I expected to sit across from a medical professional who understood the science and had also experienced this season of life herself.
She didn't try to sell me a universal menopause solution. She listened. She asked questions. She looked at the bigger picture and asked why, instead of isolating one symptom at a time. And she understood how disorienting it is when the body you've lived in your entire life suddenly seems to be operating under a new set of rules.
Five years
I'm nearly five years out from that surgery now, and I finally feel like I have a handle on this.
Five years.
Part of me wants to call them wasted. Five years of trying things, buying things, second-guessing myself, losing sleep, and pulling away. Five years of wondering why the person who supposedly knew so much about health couldn't figure out her own body.
I don't think those years were truly wasted. They changed me, taught me, and ultimately led me here. But I do grieve them a little.
I can't help wondering what they might have looked like if someone had started this conversation with me sooner. If I had understood that my old strategies needed to change because my physiology had changed. If I had known which questions to ask. If I had known I wasn't supposed to figure all of this out from an Instagram feed.
Why I created PAUSE
That is why I created PAUSE: A Discussion for Every Woman.
PAUSE isn't about telling women which treatment to choose. It isn't a menopause lecture. And there will definitely not be a magical supplement bundle waiting for you at the end. Trust me, I've bought enough of those for all of us.
It's about having the conversation earlier. Hormones, sleep, mood, brain fog, muscle, bone, body composition, pelvic health, sexual health, recovery, and the questions women should know they are allowed to ask.
Women shouldn't have to wait until they're miserable to become curious about what's happening inside their bodies. And we shouldn't have to piece together our healthcare through algorithms, 12-minute appointments, podcasts, checkout carts, and trial and error.
This matters outside the doctor's office too. Menopause doesn't stay home while women go to work. Disrupted sleep, trouble concentrating, and changes in mood, energy, and recovery show up while women are leading teams, running businesses, caring for families, meeting deadlines, and traveling, all while trying very hard to keep showing up like nothing has changed. Many are at the height of their careers when this hits, and most workplaces still aren't talking about it. Maybe it's time we did.
That's really the heart of PAUSE. Not fear. Not anti-aging. Not fixing women. Understanding.
I want women to understand their bodies well enough to participate in their own healthcare. I want them to walk into appointments knowing what they want to ask. And I want them to know that when something doesn't feel right, "I guess I just have to live with it" doesn't have to be the end of the conversation.
Most of all, I want fewer women to spend five years wondering, "What the hell is happening to me?" Maybe instead they'll get to say, "Why did nobody tell me this sooner?"
And then we'll finally start telling each other.
Join us for PAUSE
PAUSE brings women together for an intimate, candid conversation about changing bodies, hormonal health, pelvic health, strength, aging, and the questions we deserve real answers to. Dr. Adrienne Towsen and I will raise a glass, dig into the science, ask the uncomfortable questions, laugh, and talk about the things that somehow still don't make it into polite lunchtime conversation.
After five years of figuring this out the hard way, I'm ready to make the conversation a whole lot easier for the women coming behind me.
Date and time: November 8th, 2026
Location: Chadds Ford Tavern
Who it's for: Women, whether menopause feels far away or is already here
Seating: Limited to 20 guests
Reserve your seat: https://PAUSE4women.eventbrite.com
PAUSE. Ask. Learn. Laugh. Advocate.
PAUSE is an educational conversation and is not a substitute for individualized medical advice. Please talk with your own healthcare provider about your specific situation.
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